I'm just more than a bit fashionably late in saying my greetings to 2015.. but looking at the history of this blog that should come as no surprise. For several years now I have had high aspirations for this page, and for several years I have avoided facing them, choosing instead to let them live only in my head.
In many ways, my attitude to blogging was just like every other aspect of my life. I could not choose my subject. I deemed my interests to varied, mismatched and confusing to make sense in one format, and so I sought to compartmentalize them- should I have more than one blog maybe? How many headings would I need? How is this going to work?
And with all attempts to carve up ones personality, it could not be done. And so here I am, in 2015, with a very blank blog.
But this year, it will be different. And the reason it will be different is because it has only ever been ME standing in my way. In the last 22 years, 9 months and 25 days of my life (I am going to say that as much as possible- I do not want to be 23!) I have always been too SCARED to express myself, or too SCARED to face the world as it is, as an adult, as a human being who is right at the beginning of everything. 2014 was probably one of the hardest years I've had; it had it's spectacular highs but it was also filled with more than its fair share of loss, confusion, and pain. As a result, I ended the year feeling like I had no idea who I even was anymore.
Sure, the changing of the numbers on top of a calender are not going to change me as a person, or undo some of the complications last year brought that are still ongoing. But something about being at the top of the year really gets to me. Being at the top and looking down the hill. I guess the main change is that I feel BRAVE. In knowing that the only thing standing in the way of what I want to accomplish is ME- I have all the power, should I choose to accept it. It's my choice what happens next.
It was only last week, that I was miserably thinking about what I should sacrifice in order to become a person with a 'Point'- in my head I constantly wonder what my purpose is, my life calling, what should I choose? When it occurred to me that maybe I shouldn't. If I really wanted to pursue all those activities and ventures, then why was I not willing to accommodate them? If I cant afford to lose A, B or C, then it is up to ME to make it work.
And really, we are all people. we are all combinations of the hundreds and thousands of conversations we've had, the thoughts we've dwelled on, the things we've seen and experienced, what we've chosen to share and what we've kept to ourselves. And to pin that all down into one job or one life goal or even one blog is impossible. The world outside constantly wants to label us and put us in boxes, so why do it to ourselves?
So this is me, starting a blog. This is me, at the beginning of 2015, ready for adventure. I want to use this year to chase my ambitions, indulge and in some cases discover my passions, and, as my year seven form tutor once described my hectic school life, 'stick my fingers in as many pies as possible'.
And of course, to write about it as much as I can on here.
This feels pretty weird to publish something to the internet about my feeeeelings. But it's a start. Introduction, complete.
Happy New Year
